With the 2016
presidential election in full swing, there’s one topic of conversation that I
can’t seem to get out of my head. As a woman I’m sure it’s no surprise that the
topic I’m referring to is “Abortion”. It’s a very controversial topic and one
that I believe some politicians use as a tool to earn votes. I’m not trying to
start a conversation with people that is going to engage any arguing or verbal
bullying. This isn’t a place for that; I simply want more people to understand
why abortion clinics are a necessity. Of course this is my own personal opinion
and I am in no way trying to persuade anyone to be for or against it, I just
want to share my story.
Since you’re
here, reading my blog, you already know a little bit about me. I’m an award-winning
baker based in Orange County, CA, who has baked and delivered thousands of
cupcakes, hundreds of cakes and multiple dessert bars. My business has given me
a platform to be able to speak to hundreds of elementary school children on
career day and I’ve been lucky enough to help teenage girls all of the country
on their road to baking success. You also know that I have a sister who I
absolutely adore, a mom who has given everything she has to make sure her
daughters have the best lives possible, a father who decided to make me his
when I was 6 years old and a family that is literally the definition of “Ride
or Die”. I spend my weekdays working at a plastic surgeon’s office full time
and my weekends dreaming up and creating cakes, cupcakes and dessert bars for
my clients.
This all sounds
pretty amazing if you’re on the outside looking in, right? Don't get me wrong, I feel truly blessed
to wake up every day and live such a wonderful life. All that aside, there’s
something you don’t know about me; I, the cupcake making, hardworking girl who
never lets anyone see me without a smile, has had an abortion. Now, before you
are quick to judge or click the little X on the right hand part of your screen,
I beg you to read on and please do so with an open mind.
Years ago, on
Mother’s Day morning, I had complications that forced me to terminate my
pregnancy. Any woman that has gone through this knows that there really aren’t
any words that can properly describe the feeling when you’re told your body
isn’t doing what it was built to do, something that women everywhere do with no
complications. I felt broken. It took a long time before I felt “normal” again.
Fast forward a
few years and I was in what I thought was a healthy, stable relationship with a
man 7 years older than me. I was taking my birth control as prescribed, but one
day something just felt off so I decided to buy a pregnancy test. You should
know that I have struggled with Endometriosis for years and when I had my
miscarriage I was told it would be incredibly difficult to conceive again. I
took the pregnancy test and to my utter shock, the little stick said I was
pregnant. Like most other women I decided to take 4 more tests, you know, just
in case. Each of them confirmed what I thought was never possible.
I was happy and
scared to death all at the same time. How would my boyfriend react? How would
my family react? Will this end the same way as my first pregnancy? I had no
less than 8 million tabs open in my head at one time. The first person I called
was my sister, who was amazing and talked me down and assured me that she would
be there for me any way she could. Then the time came to tell my boyfriend and
all I could think was “holy shit, what is he going to say?”. What started out
as a heartwarming moment, thinking that I could actually conceive and that I
would do everything to make sure this baby grew to term, was quickly destroyed
by my boyfriend’s immediate reaction to the news. The man I fell in love with,
who told me he would always be there for me, went from loving to mean and
hateful in mere moments. I thought that after a few days he might change his
attitude; since we’re both grown-ups, I felt like we got ourselves in to this
situation and it only made sense to see it through and do what we could to make
things right for this life we created together.
Boy was I wrong,
a few days later he made it very clear that this was not something he wanted or
needed in his life and if I were to continue on with the pregnancy I would be
doing it on my own. To say I was “disappointed” would be an understatement. I’m
the daughter of a woman who had to do it on her own for most of my life and I
know how hard it was for her and how much she wishes she could have provided
the “perfect” family for my sister and I. What she doesn’t realize is that
she’s given us everything we’ve ever needed and more. Unfortunately, I’m not as
strong as my mom and I knew if I had to do it on my own I would never be able
to provide a life that I would have wanted for my child.
Walking into
that clinic and choosing to end my pregnancy was the hardest thing I’ve ever
done. It wasn’t the outcome I wanted. Do I regret my decision? Some days. Am I
happy now? Yes, because I was able to turn my life and my career into one that
gives me the ability to give back to young adults and children.
So I beg of you,
before you decide that women who choose to get abortions should be “punished”,
“bullied” or “judged”, remember that everyone is fighting their own battles. A
woman having the right to choose what they want to do with their bodies is part
of what makes this country so amazing. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or
woman, we should all have the right to choose what we do and don’t do with our
bodies. I let a man tell me what to do once and I can assure you I will never
make that mistake again.
